There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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