i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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