No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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