When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
