That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
