It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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