Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
