You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
