Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
