Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
