I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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