omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
