My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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