How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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