I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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