Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
