You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize
