Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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