I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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