Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
