Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
