If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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