i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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