I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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