i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
