i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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