From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
