we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
