just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
