Pants 0. Shit 1.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
