I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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