Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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