the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
