i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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