Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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