using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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