Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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