it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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