I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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