i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
