His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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