Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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