I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
