So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
