I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
