Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
