She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
