I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
