i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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