I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize