I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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