last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
