so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
