grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
