Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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