Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
foreskin is a definite game changer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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