When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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