vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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