nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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