I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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