the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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