Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
