I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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