hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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