Ambien. No doubt about it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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