You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize