I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
