Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
