Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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