I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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