No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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