He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
