My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
